How to Be a Better Lover In and Out of the Bedroom
Perhaps your current girlfriend has advised you to step up you game (ouch). You may have had sneaking suspicions that you’re not doing well on the field. Maybe you’re looking to be part of the ranks of the Greats.
How to Be a Better Lover In and Out of the Bedroom
No matter what, you’re afraid of your bed or, at the very minimum you could do better.
Here’s some good news: it’s impossible to be a bad bed partner. Really!
It is possible that your communication skills require a boost. And for your sexy life to require a bit of Shushing. This guide will help you both ways.
Course in the crash: If you require some advice, you can do it right now
Are you having an FWB arriving in the next 30 minutes and need advice? Are you planning to sexual flirt (and freak) in the bar this evening? These suggestions are for you Better Lover.
Pay attention to your partner’s non-verbal and verbal signals
Carly S., pleasure expert and co-founder of Dildo or Didn’t Carly S., pleasure expert and founder of Dildo or Dillon’ cautionary note to the “It’s impossible to be bad at bed” thesis claim.
“If you’re completely disregarding your partner’s attempts at communicating with you, and squeezing them into doing what you’d like to, you’re probably a bad partner,” she says. At now, it’s clear that you’re no longer engaging in sexual relations with your partner. you’re breaking their rules..
Your task: Listen to the words your partner is using through their mouths, words hands, and body.
“Are they pushing you closer? Are they driving the boundaries further away?” asks Megan Stubbs Eddy, a clinical sexologist , and the author of “Playing Without a Partner A Singles Guide for sexuality, Dating, and Happiness”.
“Are they bending your hips towards you or towards you?”
The body’s signals can provide insights into what they enjoy and dislike.
Communicate to, communicate, and send messages
“Your partner isn’t a mind reader,” Stubbs says. “For them to be able to tell what you’re doing and do not like, you need to let them know.”
To be clear the communication, she says is as easy as saying:
“That is good! How does it feel to you?”
“Yes! That!”
“A bit more pressure”, please!”
“Is your tongue becoming tired?”
“Can you complete that task you did earlier?”
Your ego is at the gate
If your ego tells you that “If they require oil that’s because they dislike the way you look” or “If they’re looking for to use a vibrator is because you’re insufficient,” tell your ego to stop.
“Sex toys and other sexual wellness products are non-animate objects made to improve the enjoyment sexual interactions are,” Carly says.
According to her, should your partner show an interest in inviting them to the bedroom, the first reaction should not be “I’m not adequate enough.” Instead, it should be “Wow! My partner would like to share happiness together with me.”
In general generally, it boils down to three primary aspects
Before we discuss forests, lets look at our forest…
Confidence
“Confidence is a process in the making for everyone — but it’s something worth working on particularly if you’re looking to become a better partner,” Carly says.
Confidence, says she, is essential to ask the things you’d like from bed and receiving positive the Better Lover feedback of your spouse and so on.
To boost confidence She suggests:
Repetition of self-love’s mantra at the beginning of each day
managing your online spaces and unfollowing those who make you doubt your value
creating a list of things you admire about yourself each week
leaving an ex-partner who drags you down
Try therapy
Communication
Do you see a theme that is common?
“[Communication should take place prior to, during, and after sexual activity,” Stubbs says.
Before having sex, discuss:
What is sex? what is sex
Your state of sexual well-being state
which protection or methods of prevention against pregnancy you’d like to implement which methods of protection or pregnancy prevention you would like to use, if there are you have any
What does having sexual activity or could affect what it means for
When you are having sex, discuss:
what it is like physically
the emotions you’re experiencing emotionally or spiritually
What do you require to feel secure
If you decide to end it at the time you wish it to come to an end
After sex, you can talk about:
the way it affected you emotionally as well as physically
If you’re looking for something to repeat
what you’ll need at this moment (water food, blankets, water the list goes on and on.)
Enthusiasm
The definition of enthusiasm, as provided by Merriam-Webster is an intense emotion.
In terms of the opposite, it’s basically the exact opposite of Apathy.
Who wants to have a sex in a relationship with someone that’s acting like *shrug emoticon* about having sex with them? The specifics of kinks aside, few of us would like to.
There are a variety of ways to express your excitement in sex:
Say you are impressed by their appearance or smell, taste or feel.
Give them a compliment.
In non-verbal and verbal affirmations, you can affirm what is good to you.
If you’re new to one another, do this
Do you want do you give that new lover your new boo the Hozier treatment? Better Love . Remember these suggestions.
Don’t try to fake your orgasm
Faxing your orgasms are the opposite of expressing your sexual desires in bed, says Stubbs. “Faking orgasms in a positive way reinforces poor method,” she says.
In the event that you’ve been lying until now it’s possible to engage in an honest and open dialogue. For instance, you could you could say:
“I’ve been really enjoying being able to get to know you physically and emotionally. But before we get to continue having sex, I’d like to let you know the possibility of me faking my orgasms. It’s not that the sexual pleasure hasn’t been satisfying It did! However, I’ve been reluctant to inquire about what I’m looking for to have an orgasm. Are you thinking that the next time, it’s acceptable to touch my clit in sexual sex?”
Another alternative is to stop making up your orgasm and begin aiding your partner in bringing you to the brink of orgasm.
Masturbate
If you’re now getting laid You might be attracted to allow your single sexual life slide out of sight.
Don’t!
“Having the habit of masturbating can help you to identify what you enjoy sexually and to be able to communicate this you like to the person who is with you,” Carly says. Also the solo sex practice could make it easier to partner sexual sex.
When you’ve already been dating for a while Try this
There are ways to become an even better partner for your new(is) lover.
Talk about sex and more
Particularly: When you’re completely dressed.
“Talking about sexuality outside of the bedroom is automatically less of a risky conversation,” Carly says. “Because of this it’s more easy for people to discuss your fantasies and desires, as well as their likes dislikes, and so on.”
You could do this by:
Asking your partner if they see a sexy scene on the screen.
asking your partner to assist you choose the right underwear
Watching a sexy music video
to your partner when you’re feeling randomly enthralled
exchanging sex fantasies with your partner
Make a yes/no/maybe-list together
No matter if you and your spouse think of yourselves as sexually adventurous and if not, Stubbs advises you to spend a few hours writing out an affirmative/no-no checklist (like this one or this one).
“Doing this will allow both of you an opportunity to discuss your feelings without censorship,” she says, “which is something that good partners allow their partners to do.”
Create an online sex workshop
Who says that date nights with a pandemic-friendly theme are only limited to take-out restaurants Netflix, take-out, or physically long walks?
Consider attending an online class and talk on kinks, sex or even intimacy.
You might say:
“Hey Do you have time on Saturday night? I came across a great Zoom event called [X[X]. I was thinking it could be enjoyable!”
“I’m planning to attend this online seminar I came across on Thursday. Are you interested in joining me? It’s going to be about [That is something I’d like to discover much more about!”
To locate an event you can look up the hashtags #queersexeducator and #sexeducator hashtags as well as the #sexworkshop hashtags in Instagram or Twitter.
If you’re planning to stay long you can try this
Do you want to be there for a long period of time and have a great time (in your bed
)? Consider these options:
Create a book club along with the partner(s)
“Reading books about sexuality with your partner can provide you with a way to talk about things that happen in your sexual life that you’d like to discuss, but you didn’t have the right language,” Stubbs says. “It’s also enjoyable and could provide you with fresh ideas.”
A few books you could read with your partner
“She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman” by Ian Kerner
“Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life” by Emily Nagasaki
“A Quick & Easy Guide to Sex & Disability” by A. Andrews
“Girl Sex 101: Gay Pleasure Guide for Women and their Lovers” by Allison Moon and illustrated by KD Diamond
“The Game of Desire 5 Secrets of Dating Dominance and achieving the things you want” by Shan Boo dram
Watch a sex-related podcast and your significant other
Are you too tired to get up and go through 300 pages? Play a sex-themed podcast for your next long drive with your lover.
Sex podcasts worth looking at:
“Sex With Emily”
“Why Are People Into That? !”
“Sex With Dr. Jess”
“Savage Overcast”
“Bad In Bed: The Queer Sex Podcast”
Browse through an online shop for sex all
If physical distancing rules permit you to meet one IRL.
“Seeing what items your partner would like to click on can provide you with a good idea of their interests and fascinations,” Stubbs says. “For instance, perhaps this is the time you discover your partner is interested in the idea of antiplay as they want to check out one of the butt-plugs on the website.”
It’s the bottom line
This isn’t the only caveat the fact that sleeping badly isn’t a possibility.
However, that doesn’t mean you can’t improve the way you communicate, gaining the ability to show your passion and confidence in yourself and ego, as well as the addition of fresh “festivities” in your collection won’t help you become a better partner All of them can.
Don’t believe us when we say it. Test them yourself. The evidence will be found in the pudding pleasure